Viewpoints

Mon
11
Aug

Let us ratify a Bill of Lefts

It's time to celebrate the right to be left-handed.

It may surprise you to learn Aug. 13 is Left-Handers' Day. This holiday is largely unknown because the right-handed establishment continues to oppress the lefty minority.

Tue
05
Aug

Growing up isn't worth the rush

"Wait for me!"

Tue
22
Jul

Watermelon, the magical fruit

Turns out it was more than hearing the marching band blare "Stars & Stripes Forever" that lifted your spirits over the holiday weekend. Little did you know that as you devoured slice after slice of watermelon at the July Fourth picnic, you were engaging in recreational drug use.

Tue
01
Jul

Baseball needs a Hall of Name

Later this month, baseball's Hall of Fame will induct its 2008 class, enshrining more of the game's greats. But what about those players who made a name for themselves before even setting foot on the field?

Wed
18
Jun

Who cares about lawn care?

I suppose it's too early to give up on my lawn for the summer. It's only mid-June. It isn't officially summer until Saturday. Yet I already feel tempted to call it a season, like a cellar-dwelling baseball team. Each spring I resolve to take better care of my lawn.

Mon
02
Jun

Taking your pet to fat camp

You may not yet hear the thunder of distant hooves, but surely the horsemen of the apocalypse are on their way. At last our society has reached the depths of its gluttony and begs to be destroyed.

Wed
14
May

Please hold for the president

I have grave concerns about the future of my local Kiwanis Club.

Sat
03
May

If you can't beat 'em, ban 'em

Here in the U.S. we're always a step behind the Europeans.

Sat
19
Apr

Jedi church: May the Force be with them

Readers often accuse me of having it easy because all I have to do is write one column a week.

They overestimate my work ethic. Some weeks I don't even write a column.

Why? Because it writes itself.

Tue
01
Apr

I'm not caught up in the madness

Experts say American employers lose an estimated $1.2 billion in worker productivity during the NCAA basketball tournament.

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